Voice of Attachment

Are you obsessing about your former love? Is it paralyzing your life? Can't get over a breakup? Miserable? Are you at WAR with your ex? There's a SECRET reason why you can't move on. Once you understand it, it'll help you get beyond this misery much quicker. In this lens, I'll teach you how to recognize attachment, what it'll tell you that is NOT true and how to overcome it.

Even people who get obsessed with another person... even those who have pined away for someone or have gone back and forth for years (this I call "crazy love") can get beyond it once you know what you're dealing with. And how to overcome it.

Your case is not hopeless. You will love again. You will be happy again. Take heart! 

What Does the Voice of Attachment Say?

You can recognize the Voice of Attachment by the things it tells you, NONE of which are true.

"You will never find a love like this again."

"This is your SOULMATE, and you MUST make it work."

"This relationship is your last chance for love."

"You cannot be happy without this person."

"This person CANNOT WIN. Fight to the death."

"Your ex is the most vile person ever to walk the planet. It is your duty to make his/her life a living hell."

"Your ex is the best you could ever hope for. You'll never do better in love."

"If you can win this person over, your whole world will be rocked. Everything will come up roses."

"This is the only one that will ever make you happy."

"There is no one who fits better in your life than this one."

"You can't start at Square 1 again in dating, do Make This Work."

Basically, the Voice of Attachment will do anything it can to prolong and feed the attachment you feel toward someone with whom it is not working out.

The good news? When you tune out the Voice of Attachment, ignore its dictates and dissolve the attachment, then it all goes away, these crazy & limited thoughts. Instead, you may ask yourself, "What was I THINKING?"" This is when you know the attachment is gone.

You Lose Your LIFE to This Person!

If you start living your life wondering what your ex or a love interest is doing right now, HELLO! This is the Voice of Attachment steering your thoughts.

Do you drive by his house to see what he's doing? Do you AVOID her neighborhood because you're trying to get over her? Do you casually call mutual friends to try & glean info on your ex? HELLO! Every last bit of this behavior -- anything you do that is in reference to this person -- is prompted by that pesky Voice of Attachment.

Either avoidance or trying to manipulate some contact are the exact same thing. Actions prompted by the attachment. They're in reference to that person, and the Voice of Attachment has got hold of your rudder.

Trying to lose weight to win your ex back? Cleaning up your life in the way your ex criticized to try & get back in the door with your ex? Do you have a goal to start looking REALLY GOOD to show your ex what he's missing? Are you trying to get your career happening or make a lot of money to afford your ex? You're being guided by the Voice of Attachment.

Has your life lost any purpose other than in reference to your ex? You've got that Voice of Attachment firmly in control of your life, and if you feel helpless or out of control, it's no wonder. You've let yourself become disempowered by the Voice of Attachment.

Do you GET this?

At WAR with Your Ex - Feeling belligerent, self-righteous?

Okay, so if you've got ill will toward your ex running the gamut from mildly annoyed to REALLY angry, you're not going to like this part.

The Voice of Attachment wants you to continue the war and fight to the death with your ex. Why do you think that normally logical people waste thousands of dollars, even 6 figures, on lawyers rather than just settling with their exes, which would have cost FAR less and seems like the only sensible path?

Studies even show that REVENGE makes people feel better (!) Why do you suppose that is? Because it is a more powerful stance than feeling like a victim. And yes, anger is probably better than feeling helpless.

However, if you are PO'd, and you let this be a driving force in your life, you will be WRECKING it. You will be putting it on hold and stirring it up. Do you REALLY want this level of negative drama running the show? Think about it. You can make a new choice and see things turn around really quickly.

Anger is just another version of the Voice of Attachment. It can even be a step toward letting go, because by being angry, at least you're pushing your ex away.

However, it means you're not neutral to this person. You are still very reactive to your ex, and this is CARING, even in a negative form. The ideal is a pleasant neutrality toward your ex, wishing him or her well, but not caring all that much.

Lawyers practically roll their eyes when a person in the midst of a divorce suddenly has a HUGE problem with their kids being around their ex, when in the past there was no contention about it. If your ex is suddenly suspect because you're mad at him or her or (s)he's got a new love, your lawyer has heard it all before... like a thousand times. Again (and I know you don't want to hear this): the Voice of Attachment is at play.

The fight you engage in with your ex is good for absolutely NO ONE, least of all you (or your kids if you are a parent). Forgiveness is all about YOU -- being able to move on. Anger locks you up and keeps you negatively attached. Forgiveness - regardless of how heinous your ex has been, it's not like you're condoning the behavior -- frees you up to move on.

The Voice of Attachment is very short-sighted. It would rather have you feed the attachment in the destructive ways of anger and revenge, rather than move on. But your life is SO much more valuable than this. You have love to experience, fun to share, goals to accomplish! Every ounce of energy you give your fight in order to feed this attachment is energy you could have spent moving forward to those things you want in your life.

You may not want to hear this, but I suggest trying to forgive, give up the fight and move on. The only way to do this is to dissolve the attachment and remind yourself that it's just not worth it.

What to Do About the Voice of Attachment

Cut it off!

As tough as the situation may seem..

As powerful as it may have a hold on you...

there is still hope!

Here are some easy things you can do to get rid of that Voice and get your life back.

1. DO NOT ever act on the Voice of Attachment. Don't drive by her house, dude! Don't ask your friends what you ex is up to. Don't (for heaven's sake) follow him on dates with other people (yes, I've dealt with people who have done this & more). Don't battle, fight, seek revenge or spread negative gossip about your ex. Don't even mention him or her, except maybe in therapy.

2. DO NOT do things that humiliate you. The VofA will have you doing stuff FAR beneath you, things you would NEVER do if you were in your right mind. Begging, pleading, gossiping, manipulating, stalking, friends-with-benefits. One woman lost several thousand dollars investing in a group where she knew her ex attended meetings, just to see him regularly. And I've already mentioned the battles royale that suck time, energy and funds. Think twice before doing something that you know is humiliating or beneath you. Think 3 x. Don't do it!

3. FORGIVE your ex and even yourself, if you feel you've acted dishonorably. Ill will, anger and guilt are just negative ways of prolonging the attachment. Everyone was doing the best they could. You can't BLAME someone if they rejected you. It was just the wrong fit. Don't keep fighting. Just forgive, let go and move on. Every time your let anger flare up, you are reawakening the attachment and activating the past, when what you REALLY want to do is move on.

4. DO begin to starve the attachment. When the Voice of Attachment flares up, and you notice it do a mini-release. When you notice attachment flaring up or the VofA whispering in your ear, turn your thoughts back to your OWN life and move ahead with what you want that has NOTHING to do with your ex.

5. DO look ahead to brighter days. Over and over, you may have to remind yourself that there is love beyond this attachment. That you have gotten over someone before and you'll get over this, too. That you are more than this. But as you look beyond this person, you will begin to move beyond the attachment and into the rest of your life that has been patiently awaiting you.

6. HOLD OUT for the person who returns your affections MUTUALLY, can't see past you and is even hotter than the one you're attached to now. As you move ahead, there will be the One, who cannot see past you and with whom it goes so smoothly you have to get used to it. Quit beating a dead horse, and get on the road to what you DO want, real love that works out effortlessly. You get that.

The Voice of Attachment has made people do stupid & crazy things. You see headlines every week about dramatic stories of people who took the Voice of Attachment far too seriously. You can get beyond this, and you will.

I bless you for really getting serious about losing this Voice of Attachment and gaining your life back. You DESERVE so much better! More love & many other amazing things are just beyond this.

How Attached ARE You? - Gage your level of attachment

How often does this attachment flare up?

(S)he is constantly in my thoughts. I'm miserable. My whole goal is to win him or her back.

I'm extremely pissed off at him/her. I want REVENGE, and I trash talk my ex to anyone who will listen. I'm trying to make his/her life miserable in any way I can.

I think of him/her daily. It's rough. And I'm avoiding him/her like the plague.

I'm hoping to manipulate my ex back into my life by making him/her jealous or rebonding or behaving in a way that'll win him/her back.

Thoughts of him/her flare up occasionally but most of the time, I'm fine.

Once in a blue moon, something triggers thoughts of my ex, and I miss him or her.

I think I'm over it. Hallelujah!

What was I thinking?!?!

I am SO beyond this. Thank GOD it didn't work out with my ex.

I can barely remember my ex now. WHY was I so obsessed? Makes no sense to me.

Prediction - There is every hope!

You don't need a psychic to tell you that YOU GET LOVE. My saying is "there is a lid for every pot," and even if you've feared you're somehow left out of love (something over half who do my work have feared), you have a soulmate earmarked just for you. Who is hotter than your current attachment, btw. Plus (s)he cannot see past you. It takes some getting used to because you've never had anyone this HOT pining away for you. That's what soulmate love is, and it is never this good until you're with the One.

Feel free to add your prediction for your love life HERE, and make it GOOD. By doing so, you are basically putting your order into the Universe and looking past your attachment. Good move! Your prediction WILL COME TRUE. I'm blessing it, and holding it with you. I'm sure everyone who puts in a prediction is holding yours, too, so we're creating a powerful mutual support.

YouGetLove predicts:

You will go on into the arms of the Love of Your Life. You have a wildly romantic, BRIGHT LOVE OUTLOOK ahead, past this attachment.