If you have heard about or read about the no contact rule being a
critical part of trying to win back an ex girlfriend, then you might
have wondered about how exactly you can apply it to your situation in
such a way that you won't have such a hard time winning back the woman
you love. It's easy to see why the no contact rule can cause confusion.
For one thing, you have to fight the natural urge that you have to see
her and speak with her. For another thing, the very idea of having less
contact with her as being a way to win her back can be quite counter
intuitive.
Having heard countless tales of misconceptions about the no contact rule, I can assure you that you are not alone if you feel confused about it or if you have questions relating to how you can actually apply it to your situation. Plenty of other men have been in your shoes and plenty have gotten over their initial confusion and discovered how they could apply it and use it and successfully get back with their ex girlfriend.
Here is some advice that will help you in applying the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend so that you don't mess anything up along the way:
1. Do not make any announcements about the fact that you are going to be having no contact with her.
I have heard guys tell me with pride in their voice that they have told their ex girlfriend that they are going to be having no contact with her and even using the words, no contact rule, and it makes me shake my head every time that I hear it. It loses almost all effectiveness if you announce it to her. One of the things that makes the no contact rule work is the simple fact that it just happens and it leaves her wondering why you are not contacting her and that sparks a little bit of curiosity on her part.
Now, if you go ahead and announce to her that you are not going to be having any contact, that pretty much takes the surprise of it and the curiosity out of the equation. You don't want to do that. You want her to be surprised and you want her to wonder why she might not be hearing from you. One of the bonus effects that can come about from using the no contact rule, is that instead of you trying to get in touch with her, she might instead be the one who ends up getting in touch with you.
2. Do not rationalize why it is okay to be in touch with her during the period of time that you are to be applying the no contact rule.
The mind can easily come up with a rationalization for why it is okay to get in touch with her when the heart takes over and you feel like you should hear her voice again. You have to realize that you are going to feel like you want to talk to her and even though it takes some strength in order to actually go without being in touch with your ex girlfriend, that strength is going to serve you when you are trying to win her back.
Countless times I have heard from men who wonder why the no contact rule has not worked out for them and during the conversation, I find out that they have actually had contact and they always have some sort of rationalization for why it was okay or why it doesn't actually count. It does. Even when you have the temptation to ask her a question or you just think a harmless text message doesn't count, you have to shake off that rationalization and realize that it does still count and you don't want to go ahead with getting in touch with her.
3. To get over "withdrawal" from not being in touch with your ex girlfriend, you need to keep yourself as busy as you can.
Something happens when you have way too much idle time on your hands. You get bored and you find yourself thinking about your ex girlfriend and that tends to make you want to break that pact that you have with yourself of not having any contact with your ex girlfriend. You also go through what I equate to withdrawal in that you are weaning yourself off of her and that can be a hard thing to do. If it is a habit for you to talk to your ex girlfriend or for you to think about her all of the time, trying to not talk to her and not think about her can be really hard to do.
The busier you are, the less likely it is that you will slip up. Most guys slip up and grab their cell phone when they have those lonely moments at the end of the day. The problem is, once you fire off that text message or you hit the send button after dialing her number, you can't take it back and she knows that you have been trying to get a hold of her. That can lessen any positive effect that any of the time where you have been good and had no contact with her has and that is not a good thing.
4. If you share mutual friends, you may want to have a little less contact with them as well.
I wouldn't say that you should include them in having no contact at all, but less might be better for now. When you share friends with an ex girlfriend, you can pretty much always count on the fact that they will bring her up at some point in time and of course that is going to make it harder to abide by the rule of having no contact at all with her. Plus, it's kind of like throwing salt in your wounds when you have to put yourself through hearing about her and what she might be up to.
All in all, if you can spend less time around friends that you and your ex girlfriend have in common, it's probably going to be a good thing to do that. A lot of men will slip up and call their ex girlfriend after having hung out with one of their friends in common and you don't want to do that if you can help it.
5. You can't think of using the no contact rule as being the magic answer to all of your problems with your ex girlfriend.
Not speaking to your ex girlfriend for a little while doesn't erase the problems that you might have had while you were dating and it doesn't necessarily make her feel a massive amount of attraction for you again. Sometimes, what it really does is acts as a relationship reset button in that it is like you are starting over, but at the same time, you still have that history with one another that you are going to have to deal with.
There are still many other things that you are going to have to do if you want to have a realistic chance at getting back with your ex girlfriend, but applying the no contact rule and then actually following through on it is still one of the better steps that you can take.
Having heard countless tales of misconceptions about the no contact rule, I can assure you that you are not alone if you feel confused about it or if you have questions relating to how you can actually apply it to your situation. Plenty of other men have been in your shoes and plenty have gotten over their initial confusion and discovered how they could apply it and use it and successfully get back with their ex girlfriend.
Here is some advice that will help you in applying the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend so that you don't mess anything up along the way:
1. Do not make any announcements about the fact that you are going to be having no contact with her.
I have heard guys tell me with pride in their voice that they have told their ex girlfriend that they are going to be having no contact with her and even using the words, no contact rule, and it makes me shake my head every time that I hear it. It loses almost all effectiveness if you announce it to her. One of the things that makes the no contact rule work is the simple fact that it just happens and it leaves her wondering why you are not contacting her and that sparks a little bit of curiosity on her part.
Now, if you go ahead and announce to her that you are not going to be having any contact, that pretty much takes the surprise of it and the curiosity out of the equation. You don't want to do that. You want her to be surprised and you want her to wonder why she might not be hearing from you. One of the bonus effects that can come about from using the no contact rule, is that instead of you trying to get in touch with her, she might instead be the one who ends up getting in touch with you.
2. Do not rationalize why it is okay to be in touch with her during the period of time that you are to be applying the no contact rule.
The mind can easily come up with a rationalization for why it is okay to get in touch with her when the heart takes over and you feel like you should hear her voice again. You have to realize that you are going to feel like you want to talk to her and even though it takes some strength in order to actually go without being in touch with your ex girlfriend, that strength is going to serve you when you are trying to win her back.
Countless times I have heard from men who wonder why the no contact rule has not worked out for them and during the conversation, I find out that they have actually had contact and they always have some sort of rationalization for why it was okay or why it doesn't actually count. It does. Even when you have the temptation to ask her a question or you just think a harmless text message doesn't count, you have to shake off that rationalization and realize that it does still count and you don't want to go ahead with getting in touch with her.
3. To get over "withdrawal" from not being in touch with your ex girlfriend, you need to keep yourself as busy as you can.
Something happens when you have way too much idle time on your hands. You get bored and you find yourself thinking about your ex girlfriend and that tends to make you want to break that pact that you have with yourself of not having any contact with your ex girlfriend. You also go through what I equate to withdrawal in that you are weaning yourself off of her and that can be a hard thing to do. If it is a habit for you to talk to your ex girlfriend or for you to think about her all of the time, trying to not talk to her and not think about her can be really hard to do.
The busier you are, the less likely it is that you will slip up. Most guys slip up and grab their cell phone when they have those lonely moments at the end of the day. The problem is, once you fire off that text message or you hit the send button after dialing her number, you can't take it back and she knows that you have been trying to get a hold of her. That can lessen any positive effect that any of the time where you have been good and had no contact with her has and that is not a good thing.
4. If you share mutual friends, you may want to have a little less contact with them as well.
I wouldn't say that you should include them in having no contact at all, but less might be better for now. When you share friends with an ex girlfriend, you can pretty much always count on the fact that they will bring her up at some point in time and of course that is going to make it harder to abide by the rule of having no contact at all with her. Plus, it's kind of like throwing salt in your wounds when you have to put yourself through hearing about her and what she might be up to.
All in all, if you can spend less time around friends that you and your ex girlfriend have in common, it's probably going to be a good thing to do that. A lot of men will slip up and call their ex girlfriend after having hung out with one of their friends in common and you don't want to do that if you can help it.
5. You can't think of using the no contact rule as being the magic answer to all of your problems with your ex girlfriend.
Not speaking to your ex girlfriend for a little while doesn't erase the problems that you might have had while you were dating and it doesn't necessarily make her feel a massive amount of attraction for you again. Sometimes, what it really does is acts as a relationship reset button in that it is like you are starting over, but at the same time, you still have that history with one another that you are going to have to deal with.
There are still many other things that you are going to have to do if you want to have a realistic chance at getting back with your ex girlfriend, but applying the no contact rule and then actually following through on it is still one of the better steps that you can take.
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